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...a TaNaka freak's fortress...
my source of strength is also my weakness
WOTHCS Chapter 7 
16th-Dec-2011 03:08 am
Title: What Only the Heart Can See
Pairing: TaNaka (one-sided JunRu and JunDa)
Genre: Romance, Drama, Angst, AU
Rating: PG-15
Warning: -some quotations are taken from Nicholas Sparks' works-
Disclaimer: I only own the plot.
Summary: Nakamaru had always dreamed of finding love that he can cherish and when a man named Tanaka Koki came to his life, he believed that forever has begun with the love that they share. Until a tragedy happens and teaches both of them that love is not simply made of fun and happiness, it also comes with pain and sacrifice.
Author’s notes: Finally! My second multi-chapter that took almost forever to be written is here.  I hope this new fic will be loved as much as my FMA fic. Happy reading!


                “I brought your favorite books.” The brunette says in a soft voice while carefully arranging the said books on the side table. “Remember that I got suspicious of your sexuality after seeing your Nicholas Sparks collection? How sappy can a straight guy be?” He chuckles before pausing and bites his lower lip as he recalls. “And then we became best friends.” he sighs then smiles sadly before sitting next to the sleeping man. “Wake up already and read them all over again. It shall inspire you to stay strong with Koki.” he holds the delicate hand, gently touching the scars on his wrists while fighting back tears.
                “Back so soon?” A familiar voice interrupts Ueda's talk and he turns quickly to the owner of the voice.
                “Sempai...” his voice trails off as the tall man enters. “Yes, I just grabbed some important things. I can't sleep properly anyway. It's been three days, sempai. He should wake up soon.”
Ueda would call it best friend's intuition later on as Yuichi's hand starts moving, squeezing Ueda's own very faintly. “Yuichi?” his eyes widen and he moves at the edge of his seat. “Sempai, he's waking up!.”
The taller one nodded, “I'm gonna call his doctor.” and then he sprinted outside.
                “Yuu?” he says in a low and gentle voice.
Yuu... The young man heard someone call his name and when he opens his eyes an angelic yet familiar face is looking down at him. It takes a couple of seconds before the face fully registers and he feels relief wash him somehow. “Tat-chan...” he says in a voice just above whisper.
Ueda smiles. “Thank goodness!” he brushes the taller man's fringe away.
Yuichi blinks as he slowly familiarizes himself with the surroundings, his body felt numb all over. “Where am I?”
                “In the hospital...” the brunette says quietly. “You've been sleeping for two days.” he admits.
As Yuichi's memories begin patching up, the pain starts to torture his body and mind once again. “Koki---” he gasps when his foggy mind clears and everything that happened before he lost consciousness flashes back. He forces his weak body to sit up, wanting to see his lover immediately.
                “Yuichi, you can't stand up yet.” Ueda is strong enough to keep him on his hospital bed.
                “Where is Koki?” the thin man struggles to resist his best friend but his poor condition keeps him from standing a chance against the shorter man.
Junno comes back with Yuichi's doctor and they attend to the now conscious Yuichi. “Nakamaru-san, you shouldn't get up.” was his doctor's first words for him.
Yuichi furrows his eyebrows in frustration. “Please... I need to see Koki. Where is he?” he begs the three men towering him.
                “He's in the ICU...” Junno finally reveals while preparing Yuichi's IV injection. “Don't worry. I'm personally taking care of him.” he assures the younger man. He hands the syringe to the doctor who promptly rubs a wet cotton on a patch of his skin.
Yuichi shudders at the cold contact and tries to pull his hand away. He knows that they will put him to sleep again and he just can't afford that. He needs to see Koki now. “Please... I need to see him.” he begs again, looking at them with pleading eyes. “I want to know if he's alright.”
                “You can see him after you get some rest.” Ueda pats his head sympathetically. “Koki will also worry if you keep being stubborn.”
Yuichi cringes when the needle enters his arm. “I just woke up... How much more rest do I need?” he insists and tears start to well up.
                “Nakamaru-san, you can't force your body to do sudden movements. You should know that.” the doctor ever so familiar to him says in a kind tone.
Yuichi then looks down, knowing they are right but that doesn't matter to him because all he wants right now is to see his lover and know that he is safe. He attempts to move again but the sedative quickly takes effect and he feels his body turn numb again and his eyes begin to feel heavy until they close. “Everything will be okay...” are the last words he hears before he goes back to sleep.
He wakes up again 6 hours later and when he wakes up, Ueda is by his side, sleeping. He pats the brunette's hair this time biting his lower lip in guilt. He must have made him worry so much and then he remembers what he's supposed to do again. He sits up and slowly turns to the side of the bed, moving his feet until they can touch the cold floor.
Ueda chooses that time to wake up and see his best friend attempting to stand up. “Yuichi...”
The thin man freezes before exhaling loudly. “Tat-chan please...” he slowly turns his head to look at the other man's eyes. “I just want to see Koki... You can sedate me all you want after that. Just let me see him... Please.” His hands are shaking as he gently traced the marks on his wrist.
The shorter man stands up and pushes a wheel chair to Yuichi's side. “Come on. I already told sempai that we'll go there once you wake up. But promise me that you'll be strong okay?” he moves to support the thin frame to sit on the wheelchair.
Yuichi nods, preparing himself for whatever Ueda meant with those words. In a slow pace, his best friend takes him to the room where Koki is being closely monitored. A first glimpse of his lover through the glass door has his eyes brimmed with tears threatening to fall already. He then feels another person's presence and he looks up to see Junno taking Ueda's place.
                “Safety precautions first, Maru. Let's get you a clean gown...” he takes Yuichi for sanitation before bringing him inside Koki's room. “I'll be outside.” he whispers and leaves the two in private, joining Ueda outside.
Yuichi stretches his hand out and holds Koki's own, kissing his fingers and rubbing his cheeks against his unmoving hand. “Koki...” his voice cracks. “I'm here now... I'm so sorry.” he wipes his tears so he can clearly see the other man. His heart is crushed yet again, seeing his lover all black and blue from his bruises. He never imagined seeing those equipments supporting any of his loved ones, especially Koki.
He sits quietly for a moment, just caressing Koki's hand with his soft and shaky own. He would glance at the tubes and the monitor once in a while to monitor his condition.  “Koki, I'll heal really soon. You should wake up then so we can go home. I promise... I'll take care of you.” he kisses his hand again and his tears land on the other's hand. “I love you so much.” he whispers against his bruised fist.
The glass door slides open again after nearly half an hour. “Yuichi, we should go back to your room now. You have to take your painkillers.” Ueda informs him as he waits by the doorway,
                “Don't worry too much. I'll take good care of him.” Junno kneels in front of him and ruffles his hair. “Now you take care of yourself so you can personally watch over him.” the taller man bites his lip, feeling his heart ache seeing Yuichi so sad. What he didn't know is that behind them, another's heart is also bleeding.
Two weeks later, Yuichi is ready to leave his room only to transfer to Koki's room so he can watch over him full-time. He helps Ueda pack his things and takes only those things he needs, including his Nicholas Sparks pocketbooks.
                “Juri-kun will come over later to bring you food. I'll just get some sleep, okay.” Ueda tells him, talking like he's his mom.
The taller man nods as he folds his clothes then he looks up and locks eyes with his best friend. “Thank you, Tat-chan... for everything. I owe you a lot.”
                “Just do your best to move on with Koki. Your scars will heal in time.” he smiles gently as he takes the folded clothes and put it in a bag. “And don't tire yourself too much. You want to be the first one Koki sees when he wakes up right?”
                “I'll be able to repay you one day... How about another double date for a start? When Koki wakes up, let's go on a vacation. I'll cook something up for you and sempai.” He offers with a timid smile.
Ueda shakes his head. “You don't need to return anything at all. And with sempai... Well, let's just let things take the natural flow. I'm fine.” He lies for the last part because Yuichi has a lot of worries right now and he can't possibly add to that. “C'mon...” He takes their things and accompanies Yuichi to Koki's room before taking his leave.
                “I love you, not just for now, but for always, and I dream of the day that you’ll take me in your arms again.” Teardrops fall on the open page and the thin man closes the book gently, placing it on his lap before pulling his seat closer to the other's bed. It's been almost a month since then but Koki still hasn't woken up. He has been taking care of him after he got discharged and everyday, he reads his favorite books to the unconscious man. “Koki, you can hear me, right? Please wake up soon... Juri and I, we miss you so much.” He kisses the other's unmoving hand.
                “Hey, time for lunch... Wanna eat with me?”
The kind voice makes Yuichi look up and he sees his friend by the door. He nods with a tired smile and kisses Koki's forehead before following his sempai outside. “What do we have?”
                “I bought gyudon outside... I'm tired of hospital food. Aren't you?” Junno raises the plastic bag as they walk to the small pantry on that floor. “These are way tastier.” he chuckles.
                “Oh... so how much do I owe you?” He quickly fishes his wallet from his pocket, learning that his sempai spent for their lunch today.
The taller man gently pushes his fumbling hands away. “It's okay. Today's lunch is on me.” He leads the other to a vacant table and they sit together. He takes out their food and gives Yuichi his share. “Eat up, okay? You need a lot of energy.”
Yuichi bows gratefully and takes his share. “Itadakimasu...” they say spontaneously before they start.
                “How are you feeling now? Are your bruises healing fast?” Junno's gaze is gentle even when he's scrutinizing the younger man. He always thought that his junior was a fragile, vulnerable man and he could only be amazed by the strength he is showing now.
Yuichi caresses the scars left before answering. “Getting better... I hope the scars fade soon...” his voice trails off, pertaining to the painful memories more than the physical marks.
                “It takes time to heal and when Tanaka-kun wakes up, it will be easier to start over, right?” Junno smiles gently hoping he could at least ease the pain and give the other man hope. When Yuichi nods and smiles back, his heart warms up.
                “So it's not gonna be easy. It's going to be really hard; we're gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me... everyday.” Yuichi smiles as he holds Koki's hand. Everyday, he reads his books to his sleeping lover, believing that the other can hear him.  He has finished reading Dear John to him and now he's reading The Notebook. He hopes that Koki will wake up before he finishes it.
                “When I said before that I look forward to being with you here... I meant as co-worker and not like this.” The tall nurse closes the door behind him and prepares to change Koki's bag of IV fluid.
Yuichi closes his book and decides to help the taller man. Due to the turn of events in his life, he missed the Nursing Licensure Exam and he would have to wait until next year to take it. “I never imagined being in this situation too.” he says sadly in response to his sempai. “But if this is our destiny, I just have to stay strong and keep my faith. I can't wait to start with him again.” he brushes his fingers through Koki's growing hair. “Now that they caught that man, I can rest assured that we can live a peaceful life. When Koki wakes up, there's our small business waiting for him and I can pursue my dream and we can just throw away the bad memories by making new ones.”
Junno hangs the bag on the IV pole before focusing on his friend. “You really amaze me, you know...” he stares at those dark brown eyes and he can see hope dancing with sadness. “Where do you get all your strength?”
                “From Sleeping Beauty...” he chuckles at the small joke trying to cover up his tears but they must be evident enough that his sempai didn't miss them. He could feel the other's thumb wiping a tear before a hanky is handed to him.
                “He's really lucky.” Junno sighs. Deep inside, he wishes that he could bring time back. Then maybe it's him with Yuichi now and the younger man wouldn't be in such pain. 
Yuichi breathes deeply and sits at the corner of the bed, taking Koki's hand yet again. “I'm the lucky one. The reason I am here right now... is because of him. I know he shielded me using his body when we crashed. I felt his warm embrace protecting me before everything in me shut down. It's because of me that he's just laying here right now.” He quickly wipes away the new stream of tears.
                “He will be okay...” Junno gently squeezes the other's shoulder before leaving. At that moment, he realizes that Yuichi is deeply in love with the unconscious man and he can only hope that he wakes up just so he can see Yuichi's real smile again.
The thin man just stares at his lover even after his sempai left. He promises himself that he'll take care of Koki even more and love him for the rest of their lives. His daydreaming ends when he feels his hand being squeezed and his eyes widen instantly. He looked at their entwined hands and he sees with his own eyes when Koki's hand moved to squeeze him again. “Koki?” he squeezes back.
A groan resounds inside the 4 corners of the room where they are staying and Yuichi is convinced that Koki is regaining consciousness. What used to be an unmoving body now turns slightly and Yuichi quickly reaches for the emergency button.
                “Koki... Can you hear me?” he stands up and looks down at his lover seeing him slowly wake up.
                “Yuu...” Koki mutters with a heavy breath but his eyes remain closed.
                “Oh my God. Koki, Koki... I'm here. I'm here.” Streams of tears start to caress Yuichi's cheeks again.
The blond man slowly opens his eyes and he blinks twice... thrice... four times. His weak hand reaches up and makes contact with Yuichi's wet cheeks. “Yuichi?”
Yuichi nods and kisses his forehead. “Yes, I'm here. I'm here...” the thin man feels like his heart will burst in happiness. His lover is finally awake... His prayers have been heard.
Koki holds him tight, his body shaking and his heart beating so fast, he shuts his eyes tightly and opens them wide but there is no change. “Yuu... I can't ...see you.” his low voice cracks.
Yuichi bites his lower lip and sits in front of his lover holding his face in his soft hands. “I'm here... Don't worry now. I'm here, I'm okay, you're awake and we are safe now.”
The blond man just shakes his head and tears start to brim his own eyes. “It's pitch black.” he voices out and the younger man starts to look at him with confusion. “I can't see you... I can't see... anything.” his breath becomes rugged as he moves his hands until they find Yuichi's own. “I can't see....”
Yuichi just stares at him, his heart slowly sinking. It can't be... he tells himself.

A/N: Christmas is soooo near!!! (>_<) I still haven't completed my shopping list. So I was supposed to update in a week but since I am busy with... stuff... It took 2 weeks again. Sorry... At this rate, I shall update every two weeks. Is that okay? 

15th-Dec-2011 07:33 pm (UTC)
Perfect timing!!! I was at lunch when this popped up! Yatta! this is a great update as usual. I got the hint from the last update that Koki could possibly lose his eyesight. :( i hope that it only temporarily but no matter what Yuichi will be there with him. Poor Yuichi the scars will fade.

As for Junno...i feel sorry for him but I hope he realizes that someone has been loving him from the sidelines and deserves a chance, even if he is a hime LOL

Yes, Christmas is coming!! I wish I would win something from Jone but doubt it :P any way. A two week update is fine with me! I'll take what I can get usagi!!
15th-Dec-2011 07:34 pm (UTC)

Gomen! Just had to do that!!
16th-Dec-2011 02:22 am (UTC)
Yes, Nikki-chan~ Omedetou for getting the first spot!

I always try to give subtle hints and I am glad you could actually figure them out. ^_^ Well, whether that will be temporary or permanent, you'll know soon but it will definitely test their relationship.

Yes. Junno, himself, should open his eyes and realize that he's meant for someone else.

Thanks for your patience too fellow usagi!
15th-Dec-2011 07:49 pm (UTC)
buhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuh ;__________; daddy ;________________; buhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuh! you never fail to make me cry sis T^T This fic will break my heart (u meany! ;__;)

awesome as awlays heart1
16th-Dec-2011 02:24 am (UTC)
even though this might break your heart, I hope you will learn something from what I want to convey through this fic... chu~
15th-Dec-2011 08:36 pm (UTC)
X________X Ooooooooow. You always. Make us shock. In the end of the story. :'). C u in 2 weekks
16th-Dec-2011 02:28 am (UTC)
Then it's a successful twist ne? Thanks for your patience and see you in 2 weeks!
15th-Dec-2011 08:53 pm (UTC)
I totally agree with dorayaki_chan! OMG!
The end it's so sad and happy at the same time, I didn't know whether to laugh or to cry...
I hope the relationship between Ueda and Taguchi will end good, Ueda deserves such a nice and caring guy.

Thanks for the update!!
16th-Dec-2011 02:31 am (UTC)
It's just the beginning of new challenges for their relationship. Let's see how strong their love is. (^_~)
16th-Dec-2011 03:35 am (UTC)
Poor Ueda.

it must be tearing him apart watching Junno being so affectionate to Yuichi.

I think even if Koki is blind, Yuichi will stay by his side and take care of him
16th-Dec-2011 05:28 pm (UTC)
ahhhhhhh~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this day (or yesterday) couldn't possibly get any better~!!! the oblation run, the lantern parade, the free food, and now an update~!!! and this update was like the best way to end the day~!!! i love you, twin~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ps: please don't let Koki suffer too much... Yuichi will suffer a lot,too... (T^T)
17th-Dec-2011 06:30 pm (UTC)
Well... it will be a long journey so I can't promise that. U_U
17th-Dec-2011 05:42 am (UTC)
For a minute there I thought : She's lost it. this is gonna be soooooo cheezy! But you came back nicely and I ended up really liking it! I can't wait to see what you are going to do with Koki! I wish Ueda's heart wasn't breaking! T.T I can't wait for the next chapter! Good work as always! (Really! Truly!) I shall survive on every two weeks.
17th-Dec-2011 04:32 pm (UTC)
why??? T_T
its so sad... and then you think he's going to wake up and its going better, then... everything brakes down... so so sad T.T
can't wait for next chap!!
25th-Dec-2011 12:58 pm (UTC)
had the same reaction as Yuichi when Koki woke up lols:)) anyways, why is this sooooo heartbreaking? make otp happy will ya?! lol i can't wait for the next~ hihi
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