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...a TaNaka freak's fortress...
my source of strength is also my weakness
Title: What Only the Heart Can See Pairing: TaNaka (one-sided… 
20th-Oct-2012 02:57 am
Title: What Only the Heart Can See
Pairing: TaNaka (one-sided JunRu, JunDa and now - Akame!)
Genre: Romance, Drama, Angst, AU
Rating: NC 17 (for smut and violence)
Disclaimer: I only own the plot.
Summary: Nakamaru had always dreamed of finding love that he can cherish and when a man named Tanaka Koki came to his life, he believed that forever has begun with the love that they share. Until a tragedy happens and teaches both of them that love is not simply made of fun and happiness, it also comes with pain and sacrifice.
Author’s notes: SURPRIIIISE!!! I'm still alive and after a veeeeeeery long unexplained hiatus... I have finally updated this fic. I hope you still remember it~
Chapter 7 - AFTERMATH
Chapter 8 - DARKNESS



Shaking hands roaming over a lanky frame. It feels like their first time together, the hesitant touch, the heavy breath, the fast beating of a nervous heart.

            “It's okay, Koki... Just like before...” Yuichi whispers, settling his long legs on both sides of his lover, straddling him.

Koki gulps, insecurity flooding him, penetrating his veins and he fights the urge to push Yuichi away. He avoided this too many times already. “I can't...” he bit his lip. “I want to see you.” his voice dies down in despair. And then he could feel those soft hands cup his face. A hot breath and soft lips fell on his.

            “I'll be your eyes. Just feel... feel me... feel our love.” Yuichi rests his cheek against Koki's own. He wants to cry, tell his lover how much he misses him and their intimacy. In the past months, Koki seems to have grown distant, always quiet, unwilling to go out, shutting himself in and drowning himself in self-pity. Yuichi has been doing all sorts of things just to cheer him up but to no avail, his boyfriend is still always sad.

Strong arms slowly wrap around the thin frame. “I'm sorry I've turned so useless, I couldn't even satisfy you anymore.” Koki heaves a sigh and he could feel Yuichi pushing himself up.

            “Don't say that!” Yuichi answers in a raised tone that startles even himself. “Sorry...” he quickly apologizes, resting both hands on Koki's chest, still straddling the other man. “I'm sorry... just... don't say those things again.” A deep breath. “You're not what you're thinking. You might have lost your sight for now and you may not be able to do things that you used to do... but you're still you. And my feelings haven't changed. I still love you just as much... no... even more.”

Koki doesn't know what to say because he is overwhelmed with a flood of emotions. How can someone like him deserve such love? Soon he feels warm liquid droplets on his chest, enough for him to know they are his lover's tears. He slowly lifts his hands, reaches for whichever body part of Yuichi and from there, finds his way to cup his face and pull him for a kiss. His eyes couldn't see but he has a clear picture of Yuichi's face in his mind.

The thin man sighs in the kiss and lets the other hold him tight. His body tingles as the other's hands languidly roamed all over his upper half. The hands finally reach his boxers and that's when the movement stops. He breaks away from the liplock and presses a soft kiss on the other's jaw. “It will be fine... I'll guide you.” he assures his lover and gently rocks his body as they kiss again.

Koki feels every part of his body awaken at the sensation. How long has it been since they last made love?  How long has it been since he felt such heat course throughout his body? He draws his breath when he feels Yuichi's lips on his chest; the latter's hair tickling his neck.  His body decides to move on its own and he rocks up against his lover so hard that he hears him let out a moan. At that moment, he feels his confidence coming back... because there's no one else who can make Yuichi sound so lewd like he can.


Kame stares dumbfounded as the hooded man who bumped him sprints away with his phone. “Shit... Jin...” he mutters in a faint voice still in shock.

The taller man is quick on his feet and chases after the hooded man. “Kazu, run to the next alley. We can corner him!” he shouts and disappears to where the hooded man has headed.

It takes a second before Kame got himself moving, doing what Jin just told him. He isn't sure if it's a good idea chasing a thief but his phone sure has lots of important contacts and messages so he runs as fast as he could before he loses track of the hooded man. He runs to the alley where Jin has told him but no one has come out yet, there is no figure or shadow lurking so he thought that Jin must have caught him already. However, he suddenly feels a chill run down his spine and his heartbeat starts beating rapidly. He rushes to end of the alley and looks to his left and right. There is still no sign of the other. His feet carry him from one side of the back alley to the other, searching for Jin until he hears a gun shot and he freezes on his spot. “Jin...”


Koki's nails dig on Yuichi's hips, supporting the bouncing body on top of him. He delved in to the sounds of pleasure that is music to his ears, feeling like playing an instrument he hasn't touched for a long time. He pulls his lover for another kiss when he feels his tight heat contract around him. His hands travel all over Yuichi's body as they make love, this time tracing each curve, memorizing every dent and corner, imagining how flushed the thin man might be now from all his efforts to pleasure the both of them.

            “Yuu-chan...” the name falls out of his lips again, even with Koki's eyes closed, Yuichi still finds his contorted face so impeccably sexy. He feels so happy knowing his lover is feeling so good, the want in his voice clear as crystal. “Uhmmm?” he could only hum back since he couldn’t find enough energy to even talk while gyrating his hips to feel some more.

The former boxer’s next response was a deep groan reverberating and coursing through his entire body. He bites his lip and as if magnetized to the other, he thrusts up to chase Yuichi when the latter bounces. He grunts and just follows his body that seems to move on its own.


            “Just hang on… we’re almost there…” Kame holds the other’s blood soaked hand. The siren of the ambulance sounds off and shatters the silence of the night.

There was only shallow breathing on Jin’s end. He wanted to close his eyes so badly but he knew well he must stay awake and fight the heavy feeling. If he closes his eyes now, he might never get to open them and he’ll never see Kame again. “Kazu…“ he tried to smile and held onto Kame’s hand tight.

Kame wiped his eyes with his free hand. “Sshhh.. don’t talk. It will be okay… just a little more ne. I’m just here.” He could see the other’s eyes getting heavy and drooping. “No Jin… you have to stay awake… Please. Open your eyes.” He trembled in fright but shook his lover nonetheless. He’s not gonna lose him. Not now. Not like this. “Jin… Jin!!!”


“Ko---- ki…” Yuichi gasped when Koki’s hand found his aching shaft. “Uhnnngggh…” his hands pressed hard on Koki’s chest for support. He could feel his body ready to give out. His breath hitches as Koki expertly pumps him. Is it because they haven’t done this for a long time?

            “I’m close…” Koki warns, his breath just as rugged as his lover’s. He inhales sharply and bites his lip as he thrusts up hard and fast. “Yuu---“

Their moans become nothing but strangled noise as they kissed passionately and came together. Yuichi held Koki’s hands after slumping next to him in exhaustion and attempts to regain his breath. Koki thinks that the past events seem like a labyrinth that he got lost in and now he has finally found his way back when Yuichi laces their fingers together. “I love you, Yucchi… I’m… I’m so sorry for being so selfish all this time. I’ve been hurting you haven’t I?”

Yuichi just silenced him with a chaste kiss. “Just promise you won’t lose hope… I will protect you in my own way. Rely on me… on Juri… we are a family, remember? Don’t give up…” he kissed him again and leaned on Koki’s shoulder.  “We’ll get through this as long as there’s hope.”


And all hope is gone. Kame leans on the wall as his knees weaken. He holds his chest to control himself but his body keeps on trembling. Tears immediately gush down his cheeks and there’s nothing he could do to stop them. One moment they were walking side by side and now they’re saying he’s gone… for good.

            “I’m so sorry… we did our best to revive him but… it was too late.” The doctor bows in apology but Kame just shakes his head. “Jin…” his voice breaks and he pushes the heavy doors, storming inside the operating room and finds his husband’s cold body covered with white cloth. He pulls it off carelessly and holds the cold face in his hand. “Jiiiin…” he cries helplessly. The other’s body is so cold and all his hopes go down the drain.


It’s 8am and the last thing Yuichi wants is this beautiful morning to be ruined. He groans as he detaches Koki’s arm around him. He lazily puts on his boxers and answers the door. “Juriiiii… I thought you said you can make your own breakfast?” he pouts even before he can open his eyes to face the lad.

Juri knows Yuichi as a morning person and he always greets him cheerfully so seeing him like this is unusual. “Well, yeah… but you have a call from the hospital… sounds urgent to me.” He crossed his arms. “Should I tell them to call again later?” he bites his lip peeking inside and he already knows what happened last night just from the smell of the room. He snickers knowingly but just as he is about to make a comment about it. Yuichi walks swiftly past him, now fully awake.

            “Hai, Nakamaru desu…” he nodded and carefully paid attention to the woman speaking on the other line. “I understand. I’ll be there in an hour. Thank you so much!” he bowed again and again in an excited tone. After hanging up, he was in high spirits. “Juri, I have to go to the hospital to check on something, I’ll leave Koki to you ne… When he wakes up and asks where I went, tell him something came up at the café and I’ll be back by lunch. Don’t mention about the hospital calling, alright? It might be good news but I don’t wanna spoil it.” He smiled kindly and hurried to the bath. Juri could only nod back.


Yuichi waits nervously outside the office in charge of organ donations. He got an early morning call asking him to confirm some information as there are now available corneas and it’s Koki’s turn on the list. When his name is called, he showed all necessary documents and they finally get to fix the schedule for Koki’s operation. He is teary-eyed as he stamps his sign on the document permitting the surgery. He bows deeply at the staff before leaving the office.

He rushes out in excitement and in his haste, he accidentally bumps a man. “Ah! I’m sorry!” he bows in apology and looks up to see a very gloomy face with red puffy eyes. Yuichi gulps and bows again. “Sorry… Are you alright?” he asks worriedly but the man ignores him and just continues to walk away holding something in his hands. Yuichi then bows one last time before heading out the hospital.

Meanwhile, Kame continues to calmly walk to the mortuary of the hospital holding the card in Jin’s wallet. “Idiot… you’re really an idiot. Why do you want your body parts given away.” He muttered in the thin air, thinking of him. “But I respect your decision… I hope you’re happy.” He sighs. Right now, he wants to give his own heart away. “It’s useless now…” he wiped another tear away as he pressed Jin’s donor card to his chest.


            “Yucchi…” Koki smiles from ear to ear when the doctor has completely removed the bandages around his eyes and Yuichi’s angelic face greets him. He cups the soft face in his hands; his heart brimming in happiness as he finally sees him again.

The thin man embraces him and buries his face on Koki’s neck. “Koki… I’m so happy… you can finally go back to your normal life.” He couldn’t stop his own tears and so he just let them drench Koki’s hospital gown.

            “Thank you, Yucchi... I love you so much.” He whispered in his ear. They can finally have a fresh start.

Yuichi nodded, he can’t wait to get back home and live their life normally once again.


2 months have passed since Koki underwent surgery and his new eyes gave him the chance to start anew. Now he is working contentedly in their café. Picking himself wasn’t easy but Yuichi was always there for him. And so now, everything he does, it’s all for Yuichi.

            “Hey… I finally got information of the donor. Junno-sempai had to flirt with the secretary in the organ donation office for this you know.” Yuichi sits next to Koki on their couch while he is watching a drama. One of the many things he can enjoy again with getting back his eyesight. The thin man gives him the sheet of paper containing the details. “I thought I should at least give this person some flowers to thank him.” Koki smiles and kisses his cheek. “Tell him, I said thanks.” He grins and keeps the paper in his wallet.

The next day, Koki visits the guy’s tomb. His name was Akanishi Jin, older than him by a year. That’s all the information he got besides the place where his tomb is. He places the bouquet in front of the tomb and says a prayer and thanking him for his eyes which gave him another chance to live his life normally. He didn’t take long and soon he headed back. He is almost at the gate when he bumped a man whose texting while walking. The flowers the guy was holding fell and Koki quickly picked it up. “Here…” he hands it back with a smile.

Kame looks up and bows in apology. “Thanks.” He smiles back and they stare at each other for a while before Kame comes back to his senses and bows politely before going his way,

Koki walks his way too but stops to look back. The man he bumped just looked so familiar. He just couldn’t remember when and where he saw his face. He shivers when a cold breeze blows and he closes his jacket before leaving for real.


A/N: Hey, I'm sorry for just suddenly disappearing... I had so many stuff to do in RL and I couldn't find my muse lately. Actually, this update got done so randomly while I was enjoying free time at work. I hope you still remember this fic of mine. (>_<)

Also... sorry for the inconvenience. I was too sleepy when I posted and I didn't notice the visibility was set to friends only. Sorry!!! *bows deeply* I hope you enjoyed the new chap~ (^_^)

19th-Oct-2012 07:27 pm (UTC)
YEAH!!! An UPDATE!! I love this~ The smut was hot (appreciates that); But now a feel a supernatural love square about to happen. Please don't let it be that.

Thanks for updating!!
19th-Oct-2012 07:55 pm (UTC)
Nikki-chan~ Hayai!! hehe~ It will be a complicated love story in many angles so please watch out for it. and thank you for still supporting my fic! ♥♥♥
20th-Oct-2012 08:09 pm (UTC)
Of Course I haven't forgotten this story! You are one of my favorite writers <3 <3
21st-Oct-2012 01:56 am (UTC)
Thank you soooo much... I won't leave you guys hanging for too long from now on~
20th-Oct-2012 01:12 pm (UTC)
I read this fic a few months ago, I don't think I habe commented on it before but it's a great fic!!
I cried while reading this chapter! Jiiin, don't die T.T R.I.P

Thank you for sharing and don't take to long updating ne<3
21st-Oct-2012 02:13 am (UTC)
Thank you so much! I will update faster this time around.(^_^)
20th-Oct-2012 07:33 pm (UTC)
Of course i remember thisss >< their night session just simply beautiful (з´⌣`ε) and darn NOOOOOo i love kame dearly and i am usually a kokame shipper to but i don,t really fancy kame come between koki and yuu , it just not fair even i have to admit it would spice things up and make the story more interesting but pleaseee be kind to yuu .. ​​‎​​​​(•̯͡.•̯͡) hiHihi (•̯͡.•̯͡)
21st-Oct-2012 02:15 am (UTC)
I'm so glad you still remember. I had to make-up for their sad time, hence the smut~ But you should know I love making Yucchi cry. fufu~ (^_~)
26th-Oct-2012 04:35 pm (UTC)
Oh my god... before I read this, I read the last chappie again to remind myself what the last part of this story was and I read my comment again. I said I was curious about the Akame role in this fic. I... have to admit I wasn't expecting this at all. I was pretty shocked to be honest.
But I love how you wrote this... you know, this whole thing about how paths of people entwine and part again.

So, I'm patiently waiting for the next update~
28th-Oct-2012 05:57 pm (UTC)
Ah... it has been that long...Sorry for making you wait! *bows*

Well, I am not really an Akame writer so I dunno if I can give them conviction. But that was really my purpose for Jin from the very beginning. I am glad you liked the connection I have made.

Thank you so much! I won't take another half a year for the next chap this time.
31st-Oct-2012 03:46 am (UTC)
Ok so I'm seriously late....all is well right? (Jack Kun here, name change gomene!) Any way...so you beat and blinded Koki, you killed Jin, what are you going to do to poor Ueda??? But I do like the new twist I can't wait to see what happens!
31st-Oct-2012 04:57 pm (UTC)
heeeey~ Ah, I can remember from your userpic.. (^__^)

Gomen, I am such an S to the characters. (>_<) There will be more to come so just wait and see,

Thanks for reading!
2nd-Nov-2012 10:51 pm (UTC)
:D can't wait for the update...six months from now...lol. Couldn't resist! Hope you are well! Will wait patiently!
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